1000000 funniest IRC quotes

[Lucretius]

http://qdb.us/46065 <--you gotta wonder about people...
http://qdb.us/46051

[teraflop122]

< robT> Name ONE thing that your windows comp can do that my MAC cant
< bawss> Right click.

Hilarious

EDIT: No offense to any of you MAC users

[legoboy]

< robT> Name ONE thing that your windows comp can do that my MAC cant
< bawss> Right click.

How untrue. I certainly was right clicking earlier. Oh, for most programs you don't need to right click, it's all that much easier.

[bicostp]

< robT> Name ONE thing that your windows comp can do that my MAC cant
< bawss> Right click.

I can name a few!

-Catch millions of viruses
-slow down conciderably in the first month of existence
-Run BonziBuddy, Comet Cursor, and all that other crudware

and last but not least...

-Base the entire system around a web browser that has more security holes than swiss cheese.

(No offense to Windows PC users)

[*o*]

http://qdb.us/23912

[legoboy]

ooh, nice one bicostp!

[soundwave]

That's a good one, *O*.

[*o*]

[SpongeBuell]

I scrolled down to a random one, and am glad I did.

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docsigma2000: jesus christ man
docsigma2000: my son is sooooooo dead
c8info: Why?
docsigma2000: hes been looking at internet web sites in copulate EUROPE
docsigma2000: HE IS SURFING LONG DISTANCE
docsigma2000: our copulate phone bill is gonna be nuts
c8info: Ooh, this is bad. Surfing long distance adds an extra $69.99 to your bill per hour.
docsigma2000: ...!!!!!! copulate copulate copulate
docsigma2000: is there some plan we can sign up for???
docsigma2000: cuz theres some cool stuff in europe, but i dun wanna pauy that much
c8info: Sorry, no. There is no plan. you'll have to live with it.
docsigma2000: o well, i ccan live without europe intenet sites.
docsigma2000: but till i figure out how to block it hes sooooo dead
c8info: By the way, I'm from Europe, your chatting long distance.
** docsigma2000 has quit (Connection reset by peer)

edit: I'll just put my favorites here, and don't worry: I'd only put it on if I thought it was really good

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<jeebus> the "bishop" came to our church today
<jeebus> he was a copulate impostor
<jeebus> never once moved diagonally

some more:

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<VolteFace`> don't you hate it when you crap on the floor, and you can hear it fall but you have no idea where it actually landed, and spend like 5 minutes looking for it
<peng> ...
<peng> what?
<VolteFace`> oh crap
<VolteFace`> don't you hate it when you DROP crap

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<studdud> what the copulate is wtf

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<Eticam> I was in biology class once, and the teacher said there was sugar in sperm
<Eticam> And a girl asked why doesn't it taste sweet then
<Eticam> When she realised what she said her face became red like a spanked monkey ass
<Eticam> Then the teacher said, because you taste sweetness with the front of your tongue, not the part of your tongue back in your throat
<Eticam> The girl started crying and left class ^^

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<@David> Yay I get laid today! Been a month.... needing it by now
<@Sony> ...........
<@Sony> TMI TMI TMI
<@David> Only a few hundred pounds but its better than nothing
<Malpine> Thanks for the info
<@David> eh?
<@David> damn i meant PAID
<@David> I get PAID today
<@David> dammit

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<Locl-Yocl> I helped the EMTs at a car wreck and got blood all over my arms and shirt. It looked like I murdered 20 people with a fork... anyway, I walked into a convieniance store down the street and said my girlfriend needs a tampon. The guy at the counter was mortified.

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<Fashykekes> Capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my uncle Jack off a horse.." and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse.."

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<reo4k> just type /quit whoever, and it'll quit them from irc
* luckyb1tch has quit IRC (r`heaven)
* r3devl has quit IRC (r`heaven)
* sasopi has quit IRC (r`heaven)
* phhhfft has quit IRC (r`heaven)
* blackersnake has quit IRC (r`heaven)
<ibaN`reo4k[ex]> that's gotta hurt
<r`heaven> :(

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<MasterG> .....................................................................
          ..................................
<judas> where's pacman when you need him?

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<born1986> why the copulate isn't my disc drive working
<born1986> i copulate worked on that essay for three friggin' hours in school
<born1986> i now i cant finish it 'cos my copulate drive ain't working
<Z00ass> you got the right drivers?
<born1986> hell yes
<born1986> it was working fine yesterday
<born1986> why does this crap always happen to me?
<Z00ass> maybe that little clip on the side is i nthe wrong position
<born1986> i havent touched it since school
<born1986> i'm growing impatient
<born1986> ANGRY even
<Z00ass> throw that crap out tha window

. . .

<born1986> OMG i copulate did it!!!
<born1986> copulate!!!!!
<Z00ass> it works?
<born1986> no, i threw it out the window
<Z00ass> the disk?
<born1986> NO the whole drive
<born1986> i live on the 6th floor, made a nice *smash*
<Z00ass> :D
<born1986> copulate crap copulate
<born1986> THE DISK WAS STILL INSIDE
<born1986> brb

. . .

<born1986> crap
<Z00ass> what? did ya break it?
<born1986> well i couldn't open the drive
<born1986> so i had to pound it against a rock
<Z00ass> :o
<born1986> quite HARD
<born1986> and you know what?
<born1986> that copulate disk wasnt even there
<Z00ass> ???
<born1986> i got so mad i threw the remaiders of the drive on to the freeway
<born1986> and when i got back upstairs i foud the disk inside my bag
<Z00ass> lol
<born1986> I NEVER EVEN PUT IT IN THE DRIVE
<born1986> i'm actually cryin right now

. . .

<born1986> wonder if i could make that drive work again
<born1986> brb

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<NHBoy> I broke my G-string while fingering a minor :(
<rycool> ...
<NHBoy> I was trying to play Knocking on Heaven's Door.
<NHBoy> Oh well, time to buy new strings.

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<Galactic>  you know what's ALWAYS bothered me? cold cereal mascots
<Galactic>  I mean that is just some copulate UP crap
<Galactic>  the Trix rabbit, for example
<Galactic>  I dunno man... if I were him I'd be copulate KILLING some kids
<Galactic>  I remember a commercial where the copulate rabbit WENT INTO A copulate STORE AND BOUGHT A BOX OF TRIX WITH HIS OWN copulate MONEY.
<Galactic>  copulate kids came outta NOWHERE and basically copulate mug the poor stupid female of the dog species rabbit
<Galactic>  "silly rabbit Trix are for kids"
<Galactic>  copulate rabbit just sits there and looks depressed.
<Galactic>  copulate NO that wouldn't fly with me
<Galactic>  I'd have pimp-slapped EVERY ONE OF those copulate female of the dog species
<Galactic>  and made them go get me the REST of a "complete breakfast" and eat Trix right in front of them female of the dog species and THEN beat the crap out of them some more.
<Galactic>  and wtf is with the disguises? All the dumb rabbit does is hide his ears and all of a sudden he's a copulate kid?
<Galactic>  I dunno about you, but if I SAW a 6 foot copulate RABBIT with his ears tucked under a baseball cap, I wouldn't immediately think
<Galactic>  "Hey, there's a cool lookin human kid, let me go over and share some of my cereal with him"
<Galactic>  NO.
<Galactic>  I'd be thinking
<Galactic>  "that's a 6 foot copulate RABBIT with his ears tucked under a baseball cap... what the copulate was I just smoking?"
<Galactic>  another thing... wtf is up with cereal being "A part of this complete breakfast"
<Galactic>  last time -I- checked, cereal WAS breakfast
<Galactic>  they show a big ass bowl of frosted flakes next to a waffle, a pancake, toast, a banana, a copulate grapefruit... who the copulate eats a breakfast that big
<Flaming_Duck>  not me
<Flaming Duck>  I don't even EAT breakfast nomore
<Flaming_Duck>  I mean, I eat when I get up
<Flaming_Duck>  but the whole thought "BREAKFAST IS ONLY SERVED UNTIL SUCH AND SUCH TIME"
<FLaming_Suck>  female of the dog species, you make my copulate sausage and egg sandwich when I pay you the copulate money
<Flaming_Duck>  don't give me that crap.
<Galactic>  Back to stupid cereal mascots...
<Galactic>  Lucky Charms.
<Galactic>  copulate LUCKY CHARMS
<Galactic>  Lucky can turn the copulate MOON into a marshmallow, and he can't escape a bunch of copulate 6 year olds?!?!?
<Galactic>  C'mon now, Lucky.
<Galactic>  I KNOW your female of the dog species ass has got to have a "Blow the copulate kids up" spell SOMEWHERE
<Galactic>  or make "kid marshamllows" and EAT those female of the dog species.
<Galactic>  "They're after me Lucky Charms!"
<Galactic>  ....
<Galactic>  KILL THEM, female of the dog species!
<Galactic>  I dunno why I went off on this rant here
<Galactic>  it's just always bothered me."

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<NES> lol
<NES> I download something from Napster
<NES> And the same guy I downloaded it from starts downloading it from me when I'm done
<NES> I message him and say "What are you doing? I just got that from you"
<NES> "getting my song back copulate"

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<tag> Ouroboros: lets play Pong
<Ouroboros> Ok.
<tag> |    .
<Ouroboros> .    |
<tag> |  .
<Ouroboros>    . |
<tag> | .
<Ouroboros>      | .
<Ouroboros> Whoops

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<JonJonB> Purely in the interests of science, I have replaced the word "wand" with "wang" in the first Harry Potter Book
<JonJonB> Let's see the results...

<JonJonB> "Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry.
<JonJonB> "Oh, well -- I was at Hogwarts meself but I -- er -- got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me wang in half an' everything

<JonJonB> A magic wang... this was what Harry had been really looking forward to.

<JonJonB> "Yes, yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Harry Potter." It wasn't a question. "You have your mother's eyes. It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her first wang. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice wang for charm work."
<JonJonB> "Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany wang. Eleven inches. "

<JonJonB> Harry took the wang. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the wang above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls

<JonJonB> "Oh, move over," Hermione snarled. She grabbed Harry's wang, tapped the lock, and whispered, 'Alohomora!"

<JonJonB> The troll couldn't feel Harry hanging there, but even a troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood up its nose, and Harry's wang had still been in his hand when he'd jumped - it had gone straight up one of the troll's nostrils.

<JonJonB> He bent down and pulled his wang out of the troll's nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue.

<JonJonB> He ran onto the field as you fell, waved his wang, and you sort of slowed down before you hit the ground. Then he whirled his wang at the dementors. Shot silver stuff at them.

<JonJonB> Ok
<JonJonB> I have found, definitive proof
<JonJonB> that J.K Rowling is a dirty DIRTY woman, making a fool of us all
<JonJonB> "Yes," Harry said, gripping his wang very tightly, and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried to keep his mind on flying, but something else kept intruding.... Any second now, he might hear his mother again... but he shouldn't think that, or he would hear her again, and he didn't want to... or did he?
<melusine > O_______O
<JonJonB> Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his wang

<JonJonJonB> Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery substance with its tip.

<JonJonJonB> 'Get - off - me!' Harry gasped. For a few seconds they struggled, Harry pulling at his uncles sausage-like fingers with his left hand, his right maintaining a firm grip on his raised wang.

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<Cthon98> hey, if you type in your pw, it will show as stars
<Cthon98> ********* see!
<AzureDiamond> hunter2
<AzureDiamond> doesnt look like stars to me
<Cthon98> <AzureDiamond> *******
<Cthon98> thats what I see
<AzureDiamond> oh, really?
<Cthon98> Absolutely
<AzureDiamond> you can go hunter2 my hunter2-ing hunter2
<AzureDiamond> haha, does that look funny to you?
<Cthon98> lol, yes. See, when YOU type hunter2, it shows to us as *******
<AzureDiamond> thats neat, I didnt know IRC did that
<Cthon98> yep, no matter how many times you type hunter2, it will show to us as *******
<AzureDiamond> awesome!
<AzureDiamond> wait, how do you know my pw?
<Cthon98> er, I just copy pasted YOUR ******'s and it appears to YOU as hunter2 cause its your pw
<AzureDiamond> oh, ok.

[nos_slived]

Read through all of them. I did it at about 4am this morning, and it really isn't as long as it looks.

[Lucretius]

http://qdb.us/36091

[G-force]

http://qdb.us/36091

LOL. what a wuss