So stupid its funny

Want to just shoot the breeze? Forum 42 is the place!

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HK-47
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Post by HK-47 »

Well, lets have a go at this. :) :twisted:
Most American families use trusted and responsible Internet Service Providers, such as AOL. These providers have a strict "No Hacking" policy, and take careful measures to ensure that your internet experience is enjoyable, educational and above all legal. If your child is becoming a hacker, one of his first steps will be to request a change to a more hacker friendly provider.
If he was a real hacker, he'd have no problem getting around aol's stuff.
Your son will probably try to install some hacker software. He may attempt to conceal the presence of the software in some way, but you can usually find any new programs by reading through the programs listed under "Install/Remove Programs" in your control panel. Popular hacker software includes "Comet Cursor", "Bonzi Buddy" and "Flash".
Ha, the first two are crap, and you cant hack with flash... Oh, and if he wanted to hide them, he could easily edit sysoc.inf...
If your son has requested a new "processor" from a company called "AMD", this is genuine cause for alarm. AMD is a third-world based company who make inferior, "knock-off" copies of American processor chips. They use child labor extensively in their third world sweatshops, and they deliberately disable the security features that American processor makers, such as Intel, use to prevent hacking. AMD chips are never sold in stores, and you will most likely be told that you have to order them from internet sites. Do not buy this chip! This is one request that you must refuse your son, if you are to have any hope of raising him well.
Yeah, like a child could deal with traces a few millionths of a meter thick! And whats this intel anti hacking stuff? I dont see any...
There are, unfortunately, many hacking manuals available in bookshops today. A few titles to be on the lookout for are: "Snow Crash" and "Cryptonomicon" by Neal Stephenson; "Neuromancer" by William Gibson; "Programming with Perl" by Timothy O'Reilly; "Geeks" by Jon Katz; "The Hacker Crackdown" by Bruce Sterling; "Microserfs" by Douglas Coupland; "Hackers" by Steven Levy; and "The Cathedral and the Bazaar" by Eric S. Raymond.
Snow crash is a fictional book, programming with perl is a programming book that will teach someone one of the best languages there is! And im not even going into the other books...
If you find any of these hacking manuals in your child's possession, confiscate them immediately. You should also petition local booksellers to remove these titles from their shelves. You may meet with some resistance at first, but even booksellers have to bow to community pressure.
Oh please bookstore, reject sales because im an idiot!
If your son spends more than thirty minutes each day on the computer, he may be using it to DOS other peoples sites. DOSing involves gaining access to the "command prompt" on other people's machines, and using it to tie up vital internet services. This can take up to eight hours. If your son is doing this, he is breaking the law, and you should stop him immediately. The safest policy is to limit your children's access to the computer to a maximum of forty-five minutes each day.
Ooohhh... Im gonna open a command prompt on your computer! Be afraid!!! (netcats more like this... DOS stands for denial of service, and includes opening hundreds of connections to a server in order to crash it. )
Quake is an online virtual reality used by hackers. It is a popular meeting place and training ground, where they discuss hacking and train in the use of various firearms. Many hackers develop anti-social tendencies due to the use of this virtual world, and it may cause erratic behaviour at home and at school.

If your son is using Quake, you should make hime understand that this is not acceptable to you. You should ensure all the firearms in your house are carefully locked away, and have trigger locks installed. You should also bring your concerns to the attention of his school.
Hi school, please watch my kid because he was playing a video game...
Rest assured, Ive locked my firearms away because im scared of a game and have obviously not looked into it.
As a child enters the electronic world of hacking, he may become disaffected with the real world. He may lose the ability to control his actions, or judge the rightness or wrongness of a course of behaviour. This will manifest itself soonest in the way he treats others. Those whom he disagrees with will be met with scorn, bitterness, and even foul language. He may utter threats of violence of a real or electronic nature.

Even when confronted, your son will probably find it difficult to talk about this problem to you. He will probably claim that there is no problem, and that you are imagining things. He may tell you that it is you who has the problem, and you should "back off" and "stop smothering him." Do not allow yourself to be deceived. You are the only chance your son has, even if he doesn't understand the situation he is in. Keep trying to get through to him, no matter how much he retreats into himself.
Its called being a teenager. Get used to it "dad"!
BSD, Lunix, Debian and Mandrake are all versions of an illegal hacker operation system, invented by a Soviet computer hacker named Linyos Torovoltos, before the Russians lost the Cold War. It is based on a program called "xenix", which was written by Microsoft for the US government. These programs are used by hackers to break into other people's computer systems to steal credit card numbers. They may also be used to break into people's stereos to steal their music, using the "mp3" program. Torovoltos is a notorious hacker, responsible for writing many hacker programs, such as "telnet", which is used by hackers to connect to machines on the internet without using a telephone.
God is this guy even look anything up? I love how his link points to www.lunix.com, which is a site that dosnt exist.
Your son may try to install "lunix" on your hard drive. If he is careful, you may not notice its presence, however, lunix is a capricious beast, and if handled incorrectly, your son may damage your computer, and even break it completely by deleting Windows, at which point you will have to have your computer repaired by a professional.
I must bow down to microsoft and there defective os... This guys an idiot...
I only have windows on my computer, for games, and since my computer can just barely run current ones, im using linux all the more...
If you see the word "LILO" during your windows startup (just after you turn the machine on), your son has installed lunix. In order to get rid of it, you will have to send your computer back to the manufacturer, and have them fit a new hard drive. Lunix is extremely dangerous software, and cannot be removed without destroying part of your hard disk surface.
Has this guy ever done anything himself, or does he pay people to do stuff for him... I doubt hes ever set foot in the windows directory because he might break something... Also, ever heard of formatting a drive? I didnt think so...
If your son has undergone a sudden change in his style of dress, you may have a hacker on your hands. Hackers tend to dress in bright, day-glo colors. They may wear baggy pants, bright colored shirts and spiky hair dyed in bright colors to match their clothes. They may take to carrying "glow-sticks" and some wear pacifiers around their necks. (I have no idea why they do this) There are many such hackers in schools today, and your son may have started to associate with them. If you notice that your son's group of friends includes people dressed like this, it is time to think about a severe curfew, to protect him from dangerous influences.
Hes describing ravers, not hackers...
If your son is failing courses in school, or performing poorly on sports teams, he may be involved in a hacking group, such as the infamous "Otaku" hacker association.
Or maybe you've "protected" him to the point hes an idiot... Let him grow up...
Excessive time spent on the computer, communicating with his fellow hackers may cause temporary damage to the eyes and brain, from the electromagnetic radiation. This will cause his marks to slip dramatically, particularly in difficult subjects such as Math, and Chemistry. In extreme cases, over-exposure to computer radiation can cause schizophrenia, meningitis and other psychological diseases.
I spent around 4 hours a day on the computer every day this year and my math mark is 97! My science mark is 92!
Also, the reduction in exercise may cause him to lose muscle mass, and even to start gaining weight.
TV can do this too...
For the sake of your child's mental and physical health, you must put a stop to his hacking, and limit his computer time drastically.

I encourage all parents to read through this guide carefully. Your child's future may depend upon it.
Oh my god, he might get paid $60,000 a year to sysadmin a system, or be a whitehat hacker, and protect systems!

This guys an idiot, I love the 6000 people who tell the guy hes and idiot...
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Post by bicostp »

:lol: man that guy's ridiculous.

OMFG I have several books on how to use DOS and I know how to use Telenet and I have programs besides M$ Office installed so I must be a hacker! :shock: :P
nos_slived
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Post by nos_slived »

Oh no! If Bic tells us that he has an AMD and new video card, I'm going to switch to AOL. AOL can protect me and my fragile mind.
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Sparkfist
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Post by Sparkfist »

I really got a kick out of the guy saying that Linus (which is spelled wrong) based Lunix on Xenix. Xenix I found out is a Microsoft product (warning) which is Unix based. Not to mention that Xenix was licensed to companies for developing.
Telnet a hacker tool?! First off I've never used telnet I only used SSH. I'm one hell of a hacker I did my Linux intro's final through SSH.

I'll say this read the guy's other articles and diary enteries. Their just as misiformed and bias. I like the one "My kids arent going to college".
vskid wrote:Nerd = likes school, does all their homework, dies if they don't get 100% on every assignment
Geek = likes technology, dies if the power goes out and his UPS dies too

I am a geek.
daguuy
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Post by daguuy »

DANG! "my kid's won't go to college" is blocked by the firewall! can someone PM or email it to me?
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Post by Super Mulletman »

Dude, proxify.com. No hacking required.
daguuy
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Post by daguuy »

it's blocked too
Sparkfist
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Post by Sparkfist »

Super Mulletman wrote:Dude, proxify.com. No hacking required.
But that is hacking your cercomventing the firewall to get to the site you want. Granted its not a big hack but by the definision of the idiot's aritcle that started this thread its something evil.
vskid wrote:Nerd = likes school, does all their homework, dies if they don't get 100% on every assignment
Geek = likes technology, dies if the power goes out and his UPS dies too

I am a geek.
Super Mulletman
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Post by Super Mulletman »

Sparkfist wrote:
Super Mulletman wrote:Dude, proxify.com. No hacking required.
But that is hacking your cercomventing the firewall to get to the site you want. Granted its not a big hack but by the definision of the idiot's aritcle that started this thread its something evil.
Yes, but no hacking for you.

Try sneakysurf.com
daguuy
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Post by daguuy »

thanx, that works :D
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Post by Total Eclipse of the Toe »

It almost sounds like its one big joke...with the amount of information that is egregiously wrong, I'm almsot inclined to think it's just something meant to be a joke somehow. Either that or someone is (deep breath) VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY misinformed.

(EDIT: Okay, yeah it was a joke)
They may also be used to break into people's stereos to steal their music, using the "mp3" program.
LOL I'm going to use my mp3's to haxx0r into someone's stereo!!!! OMG j00r music is the mine!!!!!
In extreme cases, over-exposure to computer radiation can cause schizophrenia, meningitis and other psychological diseases.
LOL...isn't meningitis a lung disease? Not psychological...

This was great for a laugh. ;)
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Post by supernesman »

stupid guys wrote:If your son has undergone a sudden change in his style of dress, you may have a hacker on your hands. Hackers tend to dress in bright, day-glo colors. They may wear baggy pants, bright colored shirts and spiky hair dyed in bright colors to match their clothes. They may take to carrying "glow-sticks" and some wear pacifiers around their necks. (I have no idea why they do this) There are many such hackers in schools today, and your son may have started to associate with them. If you notice that your son's group of friends includes people dressed like this, it is time to think about a severe curfew, to protect him from dangerous influences.
I should hide from guys with pacifiers!
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Post by Total Eclipse of the Toe »

I guess they'd be wielding absoluteley brobdingnadian pacifiers, eh? :P
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Kingdom of Loathing! Go there...it's fun! My KoL username is Loathsomeone, so come on down and say hi!

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