Funny Chat Conversations

[dragonhead]

Stranger: hey look i will get straight to the point im 18 male looking for a hot and horny female
You: im 20, male, and looking for a hot and horny 18 year old boy
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

[mikeyg]

Connecting to server...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: "asl" is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
You: Hello
Stranger: hi
Stranger: were are you from?
You: A vagina
You: ...
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Connecting to server...
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: "asl" is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
You: Hello
Stranger: Hello
You: I am a 18 year old girl from massachusets looking for sex.
Stranger: Oh yeah?
You: I meant a 40 year old virgin dude.
You: ...
Stranger: Oh
Stranger: I see how that typo can be made
Stranger: no worries on your part
You: So what are you wearing....
Stranger: Lead pajamas
You: Ouch?
Stranger: nothing skimpy either
Stranger: this may as well be combat armor you wear to bed
You: oh, I have superman pajama's on.
Stranger: You
Stranger: Are
Stranger: copulate
Stranger: AWESOME
You: Thank you, now I need to run.
You have disconnected.

Connecting to server...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: "asl" is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
You: Hello
Stranger: I've figured it out.
You: Figured what out?
Stranger: I'd like to cover your soft milky breasts with chocolate syrup and make a trail that goes down to between your legs. Then Ill slowly start licking up every drop.
You: Ice cream?
You: Crocodile COCK!
You have disconnected.

Connecting to server...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: "asl" is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: Good evening.
You: Hello/.
Stranger: So what brings you to this odd and dreary corner of the internet?
You: Sex, and women, and drugs
You: robot sex that is.
Stranger: I can only provide one of the three, I'm sorry.
You: Is that sex?
Stranger: Clever boy.
You: YAY!
You: Usb2.0?
You: I have the anti-virus software forit.
Stranger: I prefer male-to-male connections.
You: Awww. I am only female connections. Sorry.
Stranger: That's fine. I mostly wanted to try out my creepy Tennessee-Williams-esque trolling persona.
Stranger: Did it work? Were you imagining my words in an slightly effeminate southern drawl?
You: Yes.
Stranger: Awesome!
You: With a bit of Joisey accent
You: ...
You: Where are you from?
Stranger: OK, now you're just being facetious.
Stranger: The United States.
Stranger: You?
You: A vagina
You: ......I mean the USA
Stranger: Ahh, so we've gotten to the juvenile humor portion of the evening.
Stranger: How dreadfully dull.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Ok, I'm done.

[eurddrue]

Stranger: hey look i will get straight to the point im 18 male looking for a hot and horny female
You: im 20, male, and looking for a hot and horny 18 year old boy
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Greatest one on here lawl

Gamemaster I don't understand your sig.

[Triton]

You: hey there
Stranger: hi
You: whats up
Stranger: nothing much
Stranger: just being a guy
You: awesome, me too
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You: Y HALO THAR
Stranger: tits....NOW!
You: NO U
Stranger: U FIRST
You: D: i has none
Stranger: JUST A SMALL TOWN GIRL
You: LIVIN IN A LONELY WORLD
Stranger: YES
You: lol
Stranger: *high five*
Stranger: BYE
You: ciao
You: lol

[wallydawg]

omeagle? welcome to about 3 months ago

I was listing pokemon with some dude (one at a time, alternating between us), we got up to Scyther before dude got bored and gave up.

It's fun for a while until every new chat ends up in ascii art of hank hill or goatse

[Bass Creator]

Stranger: hey u snazzy thang
You: Hey
Stranger: whats up??
You: Not much
Stranger: sounds like a party
Stranger: lol
Stranger: m/f
You: Transsexxual
Stranger: boo you man whore/whore

[Schmeman]

Here's the first one...

Connecting to server...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: "asl" is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: hi im a girl
Stranger: asl?
You: hi im a boy :p
Stranger: omg no wai
Stranger: brb, need to take a leak
You: ok
Stranger: OH GOD WHAT FEELS SO MUCH BETTER
Stranger: I love this strapon, lets me piss standing up
You: i envy you
Stranger: It's amazing
You: im crippled i have to pee sitting down
Stranger: Like an orgasm in a leak
Stranger: Sucks man. I can piss sitting down and standing
Stranger: And I got tits, so it's great
You: i got tits too
You: there not so great
You: i sometimes hide things in them
Stranger: Moobs are tasty
You: like chicken wings
Stranger: I hide sandwichs in my tits
Stranger: Delicious 3 week old baloni sandwhich
You: 3 weeks...?
Stranger: Well you know.. I tend to forget they're in there
You have disconnected.

... and the second...

Connecting to server...
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: "asl" is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
You: damn you made me talk first... you're a sly one
Stranger: yep, that's me
You: glad we got that settled
Stranger: yeah
You: you're not as weird as the last couple I hope...
Stranger: i'm a furry
You have disconnected.

the third...

Connecting to server...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: "asl" is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
You: you're not a furry are you?
Stranger: I am the 17th homosexual brother of Optimus Prime
Stranger: who are you earthling?
You: damn
You have disconnected.

these aren't working out for me too well.



After fooling around a little more I found some of the people who use it seriously... and I found some prejudice.. oh well.

Connecting to server...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: "asl" is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: say hi~
You: hi~
Stranger: great!
You: glad i could please you
Stranger: than who R you?
You: I'm Alex
Stranger: Alex ok than?
Stranger: is that all?
You: thats all i am. My name defines me.
Stranger: alright
You: My name means protector of mankind
Stranger: so wheres your habitat?
Stranger: lol
You: The desert. literally.
You: Arizona
Stranger: u mean u r americano
You: you betcha
Stranger: darn..
You: haha
Stranger: you know what
Stranger: lot of people use this chat hate americano
You: probably
Stranger: oh you know that
You: what does that have to do with me
You: ?
You: just because someone hates a group of people doesn't mean they have to hate the individuals
Stranger: your right
Stranger: maybe you r good guy~! lol
Stranger: a lot of americano was so rude
Stranger: my spanish friend think you guys so rude so he said copulate copulate usa when he met usa guy
You: Really? hmmm, thats too bad, I agree a lot of americans are really stupid, ignorant, and rude. However, thats found all around the world.
You: there is the good and then there is the bad
You: No nation is completly one or the other
Stranger: yeah i guess you R cool one!
Stranger: so what time is it there?
You: its actually 4:30 in the morning right now. I'm up a half hour early... got to go to work soon.
Stranger: oh 4:30 that's to early````
Stranger: this is 8:30 pm
You: wow thats a big difference
Stranger: yep
Stranger: what about have a breakfast
You: I'm probably going to just grab a glass of milk and an apple before I leave. Not much time to make anything more. Actually I should probably get ready to go, Its been a pleasure talking with you though. Have a pleasent evening
Stranger: you too take your time
Stranger: it was nice to tolk with you
Stranger: U r a good american
You: thanks, good bye
Stranger: bye~!
You have disconnected.

[nightwheel]

I've been using omegle off and on for about. Here just some of the omegle chats from the times I have used it:

Stranger: WHERES MY INFANT U BABY STEALER WTFFF
You: I sold it to the koreans
Stranger: WTF THEY'LL EAT HIM
Stranger: U SLY LITTTLE NINJA
You: Thank you
You: i think they said he would make a tasty dinner
Stranger: D: D: D:
Stranger: I MUST STOP THEM
You: I'm not paying for your flight
You: your baby, yor problem
Stranger: copulate THAT ILL MAKE A NEW ONE. wanna participate?
You: no
You have disconnected.

You: hello
Stranger: hi
You: what are you up to
Stranger: Just got out of jail
You: Wait, you are Vince the Shamwow guy?
Stranger: A hooker tryed to bite my tounge off, so i beat the crap out of her.
You: I KNEW IT
Stranger: You know me?
You: you sell shamwows on Tv
Stranger: Yes, i do.
Stranger: Would you like to buy one?
You: I'm broke
Stranger: Good for cleaning up hooker blood
You: hahahahah don't doubt that
Stranger: And horse semen
You: ewwww
Stranger: You wanna see pics?
You: no thank youi
Stranger: You got pics??
You: NO
Stranger: You know me now i need to know you
Stranger: comon
You: no
Stranger: fine
Stranger: So, what do you want then ?
You: not be gay
Stranger: What does that have to do with this convo
Stranger: Absolutly nothing
Stranger: you are random
You: as are you
Stranger: ok
Stranger: Were you talking to me yesterday?
You: I haven't been on Omegle for a few weeks
Stranger: Then how did you know I was the shamwow guy?
You: I just got out of jail
Stranger: Lol,
Stranger: You wanna hear a joke?
You: sure
Stranger: Knock knock
You: whos there
Stranger: Disco
You: Disco who
Stranger: Disco nected :0
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Stranger: In August, we'll have lots of sex
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You: Are you my daddie?
Stranger: Are you raptor jesus?
You: you answer my question and I'll answer yours
Stranger: You don't understand
Stranger: Just answer
Stranger: Are you raptor jesus?
Stranger: Then you will have the answer
You: YES I"M RAPTOR JESUS
Stranger: There you go, yes I'm your daddy
Stranger: How are you doing son?
You: fine
Stranger: I've seen you've been trolling the internets for quite some time, my child.
Stranger: Why is this?
You: I've seen the same from you dad
You: for crap and giggles
Stranger: Well, there you have my answer boy
Stranger: And for justice as well
You: thank you
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Stranger: Hello
I've waited here for you
Everlong
You: ok................
You: why did you wait for me?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You: Heil Hitler
Stranger: HAIL ALMA MATER
You: Shall we start World War 3?
Stranger: NO NO NO. START LICKING YOUR DOG's ****
You: ▓██████████▓░▒▒▒░░░░░░░░░░░░░▒█
▓██████████▓███████▒▒▒░░░▒▓██▒▓█▒
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You: THIS IS SPARTA
Stranger: AHH. crap
You: *Kicks you into the pit*
Stranger: OH?!
You: …………………………………………„„-^*''''*^~^*'''*^-„„
…………………………………….„-^*''::::::::::„„„-~-„„~-*-„„-^*~~-„„
………………………………..„-^*''::::„„„-::::„„-~~-„„::~-„„::::/:::-~^:*^-„
…………………………….„-*':::::::::„-^*::-„„:::~-„„::-„:\:::\:/::„„„„-~:::::'\
………………………….../::::::::„-~^^::::^~-„:*-„::\::|:„-*-„/„:::::::::::„„-::'\
…………………………../::::::::/::-~~-„„::-„::'\::|„„-*' . . . . *-„::::„„„-~^:::|
………………………….|::::::::~~-„„____„„„-~^* . . . . . . . . *-„:::::::-„\:|
………………………….|:::::„-^*''¯ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .'\::::^-„:-„\
………………………….|::::'| . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .'|::::~-„„:'|
…………………………..\:::'| . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . \:::~-„„„:|
……………………………\::'| . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .\:::::::„-'„
…………………………….*-| . . . . . . . . . . . . . . „„-~~~~-„„ . . .'\::::/ /''\'\
……………………………...-| . „„-~~~~-„ . . . . „-*„-^*''o¯¯'''''*' . . . \:/ / . | |
……………………………...'\| .*^^*'''¯o¯'''*-„ . . . ,''*^~~^*'' . . . . . . | .\*-„ '|
…………………………….....| . *^~~-~^*'' .| . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .| ./-~./
……………………………….\'| . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .'| . . /'
………………………………...| . . . . . . .„- ' . . . .*^„ . . . . . . . . . . '|*^*' I'm Chris Hansen with Dateline NBC..
…………………………………*-„ . . . . . \„-„„_„„-^^-* . . . . . . . . . . .'| ........Why don't you have a seat over there
……………………………………\ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . '|
…………………………………….'\ . . . „„_„„-~--~^*''''''. . . . . . . . . / .\
……………………………………...\ . . . .''*^~~~^^* . . . . . . . . . '/ . . \-„-„
……………………………………….''-„ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .„-* . . . | . \''*-„„
………………………………………….*-„ . . . . . . . . . . . . „„-^'' . . . . / . . '\;;;;*^-„„
…………………………………………....|*^-„„ . . . . . . .„„-*' . . . . . ./' . . . .|;;;;;;;;;;¯''*^~-„„_
……………………………………….„„-^*'|\ . . ¯''*^~~^*'' . . . . . . .„-* . . . . /;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;\;;;;;;;¯'''*^~-„„_
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Connecting to server...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: Hi I'm Vince with ShamWow
Stranger: There's no internet in jail, you whore beater
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Connecting to server...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Naw Dang
Stranger: sure
You: I'm on the wrong site
You: whats this site called
Stranger: omegle
You: I thought I was going to Beagle.com
You: and thsi was the help chat
You: I needed help with my hunting dog
Stranger: lol ill help u
Stranger: whats the problem?
You: Well good ole Butch seems to be having people finding the rabbits. He keeps finding Skunks]
Stranger: lol
You: And the bad thing is, he keeps spooking them
Stranger: shoot the dog and get a new 1
Stranger: thats broken
Stranger: ;DDD
You: Butch is a good boy
You: but I guess your right
You: Gotta go
Stranger: LOL
You: Come on Butch
You: we are going out side
Stranger: outside to shoot hte dog?
You: yep
Stranger: lololol
You: but don't tel Butch that
You: *hears from out side*
You: Good Butch stay still
You: *BANG*
Stranger: cillit
Stranger: bang
Stranger: and the dir is gone
Stranger: t*
You: Thanks for the hellp
Stranger: np
You have disconnected.

Connecting to server...
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: heeeeeló
Stranger: sex ?
You: and where have you been this hour
Stranger: aka ríð ?
You: its a school night young man
Stranger: eeepusssy
Stranger: like klaaas
You: dont talk that way to me
You: GO TO BED
Stranger: smae
You: thats it young man your gronded for 4 weeks
You: no TV
You: no computer
Stranger: ok
Stranger: seges
You: keep doing it
Stranger: singen
Stranger: sjanghæ
You: alright thats it
how will you like it when you have no video game console anymore.
Im gonna take it to goodwill first thing in the morning
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

I have a chat somewhere that I posted on another forum. Where I owned a AIM bot. I'll post it when I find it.

[Triton]

Stranger: hi
You: people on omegle are far too judgmental
You: and hello!
Stranger: I'm a male, 29 y/o from Europe (Russia)..What about you?
You: male, 20 from iowa in the USA
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

see what i mean!

[bicostp]

Connecting to server...
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: "asl" is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
You: hello
Stranger: hey'
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Connecting to server...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: "asl" is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
You: hi
Stranger: hey
You: sup
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Connecting to server...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: "asl" is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: hey!
Stranger: hows it going?
You:bonjour hello
You: comment êtes-vous aujourd'hui? how are you today?
Stranger: sorry i dont know french that well
You: ist heute ein schöner Tag zu besuchen Deutschland? is today a nice day to visit Germany? (I switched to German XD)
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Translation in red.

EDIT: I ran into another chat griefer

Connecting to server...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: "asl" is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
You: Congratulations! You have been paired up with a free online therapist! Please tell me what is bothering you.
Stranger: well the names tyrone biggums and i have a few problems
Stranger: i mean living in the streets literally been a big issue
You: tell me
Stranger: i mean dancing for money isnt always the right choice
You: How does dancing for money make you feel?
Stranger: i mean i love to dance but i hate to degrade myself
Stranger: this las guy told me to take off my shirt
You: Have you considered finding a job in theatre?
Stranger: i mean people are so racist not to hire homeless people
Stranger: what we do to them?
You: I see.
Stranger: *looks at mis-match shoes*
You: What do you think you can do to change peoples' opinions of homeless people?
Stranger: i mean dancing is a great way to entertain people
You: Indeed.
Stranger: and when im sad i eat
Stranger: i eat because im unhappy and im unhappy because i eat
Stranger: in order to be homeless you have to be in top shape
You: what do you like to eat?
Stranger: to usually dodo
You: So you like to eat usually dodo?
Stranger: sometimes i settle in for shoes and booze
Stranger: and my grammer is 1st grade
You: How did you get online?
Stranger: i mean i just stole this computer from a random person and then it turned out that the random person was my mom
Stranger: i mean crack is a hell of a drug
You: Stealing is wrong but you have to do what you have to do
You: Have you considered not selling crack?
Stranger: i mean yea but im so fat when i run i fall and they catch me and kicks my ass
Stranger: hell no crack is what keeps the system flowing
You: When was the last time you applied for a job?
Stranger: yestarday but they callled the security apparently its no shirt no shoes noo money no service
Stranger: :I
You: Have you considered stealing a new shirt from the person you stole that computer from?
Stranger: i mean its a thought
Stranger: well to tell you the trust right now im chilling with my "homies" in my cardboard box
You: I see.
Stranger: i mean where in the back of a restaurant so we living first class
You: How does chilling with your "homies" in your cardboard box make you feel?
Stranger: it makes me feel like im some body
Stranger: gtg cops coming see ya later
You: Thank you, come again!
Stranger: thank you god mam
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Oh man I love this website so much. Everyone you run into is an easily trolled perv for a /b/tard.

Connecting to server...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: "asl" is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: hi
You: hi
Stranger: m or f
You: what do you want
Stranger: boy ?
Stranger: gırl
Stranger: ?
You: Gender is irrelevant to androids.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

[ShockSlayer]

I had a phone convo with palmertech the other day, these aren't exact words, but it covers it:

PT: Wait what are you doing?
SS: I'm trying to stick a gameboy color cartidge in an SP upside down.
PT: It won't work, it has...(plastic that wont let you do that)
SS: Yeah I know but I'm going to try.
PT: Why?
SS: To see if I can.
SS: Okay its not going in. I'm going to try to force it
SS: Okay, its too big, I have to stretch it.
SS: A little more force and its in!
SS: It barely fits, but its sliding in
SS: There, its in.
PT: I wish I could record this.
SS: Yeah, but can't you just typee it on the internet?
PT: It doesn't have the same effect, no one could prove you said that.
SS: Yeah, so?

SS

[palmertech]

SS: Yeah I know but I'm going to try.
PT: Why?
SS: To see if I can.
SS: Okay its not going in. I'm going to try to force it
SS: Okay, its too big, I have to stretch it.
SS: A little more force and its in!
SS: It barely fits, but its sliding in
SS: There, its in.

I believe I also said something along the lines of "That's what she said".

[ShockSlayer]

Yeah, I think I remember that too.

SS

[gamemasterAS]

I kinda wish everyone didn't just troll it. Back before it got so big I made a few friends on it.

:/

[limpport]

Abra troll!

Connecting to server...
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: "asl" is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
You: A wild Abra appears!
Stranger: rapidash i choose u!
You: Abra uses tackle
You: !
Stranger: wtf?
You: Abra uses teleport on Rapidash!
You: Use next pokemon?
Stranger: charzard i choose you!
You: Abra uses hypnosis, but it is ineffective!
Stranger: charzard uses scratch
You: but charizard won't listen!
You: abra uses tackle
You: !
You: Abra's attack missed!
Stranger: (shouldn't abra have teleported right away?)
Stranger: charizard uses dick suck\
You: Charizard turned away!
Stranger: copulate you charizard
Stranger: starnger uses teleport!
Stranger: stranger got away!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.