Major Dilemma - UPDATE page 2

HBN · Post by **HBN** » Tue Oct 14, 2008 8:06 pm

Okay. So my fiancee was living in Ohio with some friends of hers until she came to live with me. Cool. Far out, even.

Heres the issue: The people she lived with. The place was an absolute pigsty when I picked her up. The man-of-the-house is a lazy-ass World of Warcraft addict to the point that his own child screams at the thought of being held by him, and he wont go looking for a job (And he just lost his telemarketing job). The woman-of-the-house wont get a job, and recently was (Quoting HER words) "to tired to feed" her own newborn child. They are living off food stamps, and have people living with them to the point of they're apartment being overloaded (Literally and legally. Not to mention its illegal to feed people other than your family with food stamps. Its called "fraud" on the FEDERAL level.). They have no money, barely enough food, and nobody willing to work, clean the house, or even take care of the two small children in that house.

Whats worse? They're going to RENFEST! They are going to take what little money they have, and instead of putting it into they're kids, or the apartment, they are going to spend it going to a fricken FESTIVAL? WTF! This is NOT parenting! Not by any definition that I accept, at least.

I'm PISSED. And I'm THIS close to calling CPS (Child Protective Services) and have those children removed from the house. The so-called adults living there need a wake-up call. The man-of-the-house needs to get off his ass and stop playing World of EFFING Warcraft for hours on end and GET A JOB. The people living there need to GTFO, too.

The woman-of-the-house I can understand... TO A POINT. Being pregnant is hard. Real hard. And tiring. But ya'know what? Once that child is born, it doesn't give a flying screw if you are "to tired" to feed it!

The glitch? If I do anything, chances are they'll think Fishy had something to do with it. Which will put an amazing amount of stress on hers and my relationship because I will be the cause of them blaming her, and ultimately, hating her. And I could lose her because of it.

I need advice. Normally I'd stay out of it. But there are two, defenseless children involved. And they're gonna be screwed if this keeps up. Absolutely screwed. And that's where my paternal instinct (Which is pretty damn strong, as you may have noticed) kicks in.

For me, those children come first. Above all. But I also don't want to lose Fishy in the process. How can I do this without causing tension. Or should I do it at all?

Aguiluz · Post by **Aguiluz** » Tue Oct 14, 2008 8:21 pm

I'm just 17 but I can't resist to comment.

As I can see here, the two children are definitely screwed and barreling downhill at this point. I would call Child Services if it deems necessary. (Children hungry, nothing to eat, sick very badly....)

EDIT: About Fishy, tell her you are just concerned for the children. Be honest.

HBN · Post by **HBN** » Tue Oct 14, 2008 8:29 pm

Aguiluz wrote:I'm just 17 but I can't resist to comment.

As I can see here, the two children are definitely screwed and barreling downhill at this point. I would call Child Services if it deems necessary. (Children hungry, nothing to eat, sick very badly....)

Thats how it is. See, theres two types of child abuse: Passive and aggressive. Aggressive, obviously, is physical and mental abuse. Passive is more dangerous, IMHO... Neglect. And that's what this is.

EDIT: I'm doing that as we speak. Thank you.

Aguiluz · Post by **Aguiluz** » Tue Oct 14, 2008 8:37 pm

I can agree with the "Passive" abuse is more dangerous...

It goes unnoticed... Kills children slowly... Slowly degrading them...

HBN · Post by **HBN** » Tue Oct 14, 2008 8:47 pm

Aguiluz wrote:I can agree with the "Passive" abuse is more dangerous...

It goes unnoticed... Kills children slowly... Slowly degrading them...

How you said that sent chills down my spine... Couldn't be more true.

Metallica Man X · Post by **Metallica Man X** » Tue Oct 14, 2008 9:05 pm

You're doing the right thing. The only thing worse than commiting crime, is committing crimes against children. Stuff like that is just plain wrong.

Post by **SpongeBuell** » Tue Oct 14, 2008 9:05 pm

children's welfare > relationships with friends. Let us know what comes out of this, you got me curious...

Aguiluz · Post by **Aguiluz** » Tue Oct 14, 2008 9:09 pm

Metallica Man X wrote:You're doing the right thing. The only thing worse than commiting crime, is committing crimes against children. Stuff like that is just plain wrong.

And, in my opinion, it's just as wrong to let it roll by when you can do something.

(Not attacking anyone, just saying.)

Metallica Man X · Post by **Metallica Man X** » Tue Oct 14, 2008 10:11 pm

Aguiluz wrote: And, in my opinion, it's just as wrong to let it roll by when you can do something.

(Not attacking anyone, just saying.)

Yes, I agree.

grossaffe · Post by **grossaffe** » Tue Oct 14, 2008 10:43 pm

Aguiluz wrote:I can agree with the "Passive" abuse is more dangerous...

It goes unnoticed... Kills children slowly... Slowly degrading them...

I read an extremely disturbing story about a girl who was neglected. I could not believe what I was reading, disturbing stuff.
http://tampabay.com/features/humaninter ... 750838.ece

Aguiluz · Post by **Aguiluz** » Tue Oct 14, 2008 11:26 pm

grossaffe wrote:
Aguiluz wrote:I can agree with the "Passive" abuse is more dangerous...

It goes unnoticed... Kills children slowly... Slowly degrading them...
I read an extremely disturbing story about a girl who was neglected. I could not believe what I was reading, disturbing stuff.
http://tampabay.com/features/humaninter ... 750838.ece

Oh my....

That is just horrible.

bacteria · Post by **bacteria** » Wed Oct 15, 2008 1:34 am

Simple answer really - you have a heated/progressive discussion with your girlfriend and find out her views - simple because the responses will help you to understand how your relationship will be going and give you early warning signs...

Scenarios:

a) She backs her friends up and lays the law to you "keep out", etc. In that case, ditch her; her "values" would be the same as her friends if you had any kids with her, your living nightmare. It also means she would have no regard for your views over her skummy mates, which also means "run while you can"!

b) She backs you up as she thought privately the same but didn't want to confront it - in which case, easy - report to the authorities, she ditches her "friends", no problems. Keep her!

c) She feels strongly in your favour. You both go to the authorities. Your conscience is clear. Keep her!

This will be a good indicator of what your girlfriend is really like. If she is a decent girl she will have maternal instincts to protect the children, if she is no better than the friends avoid her and tell the authorities anyway, and consider it a "close call". It might be that she stayed with them as she had no choice (financial, whatever) or because she likes their lifestyle (run, again!).

Best advice I can give you. Lots more girls out there for you to chat up!

weaponepsilon · Post by **weaponepsilon** » Wed Oct 15, 2008 2:39 am

Oh man. I've heard this one before. My advice...STAY OUT. Even if you hate them, if they aren't technically doing anything illegal, then you can t do much. If you try to involve yourself you'll only get drug down too. I had know people like this, very unsavory types. F'ing theives in my book. They too also had a taste for Fest. (I, too, am guilty of this pleasure. MEAD!!) You can't involve yourself. Heres what happened in my two previous experiences with people exactly like this.:

Couple A came in from outstate, failed to maintain a job, spent what little they had on weed. They took in assorted runaways and had them watch their kid. Eventually the good times and the mary ju wanna ran out. They lost their apartment. Eventually they moved back to where they came from to live in their folks basement. I helped. I tried. They still went bust BECAUSE PEOPLE WONT CHANGE IF THEY DONT WANT TO.

Couple B. Worse. Far Worse. Guy nails girl. Girl decides she hates Guy. Though they just moved in together she wants him out. She finds out shes pregnant with Guy's kid. They fight. They move into a House together. Guy loses job. Girl has been using Guy for the whole time for money, sex, and house. Girl decided against abortion and brings there child into an unhappy home. Mind you this whole time they are using my family as a crutch. Assorted details later....Girl decided monogamous relationships are dull, leaves. Comes back only after failed crosscountry tryst leaves her abandoned on West coast. These people fight constantly create havoc and suck anyone in who bothers. Child, though talented and intellectually above her age, shows signs of emotional disturbance. A child who isn't old enough to be in preschool who can read and accidentally kills familys cat is a dead giveaway.

Again this whole time, there are using me and my family as some sort of sick reasssurance. I wash me hands of them. Problem is anytime I'd complain, loudly, I'd get the daggers from the wife. Eventually she began to state her irratations about her friends' relationship problems. I'd back her and agree. Eventually they're friendship splintered somewhere, and I feel we are better off.

Nothing you can say will change her mind. Hopefully, she will come around and realize that she is possibly being used and/or drained in someway because of this. It is a decision she will make alone and all you can do is support her on it. It sucks. You want to be a major force in change. There's not much you will be able to do for now.

Negative_Creep · Post by **Negative_Creep** » Wed Oct 15, 2008 4:47 am

I'd report them.

SonyPortableizer · Post by **SonyPortableizer** » Wed Oct 15, 2008 4:55 am

You fiance wont leave you for doing the right thing

Do it, because if you heard something awful happened because you didnt report it you would feel terrible, and the parents probably wouldn't even care