Thanks for the homework help! Here's the product!

[Shadeslayer]

Second one. I'll post it up here when its done.

Glad I could help.

[lifeisbetterwithketchup]

khaag, that essay is amazing. The best ideas, ironically enough, do come at the last minute.

[khaag]

Thanks! I'm glad you like it!

I'll post up a couple more that I think are fairly decent. And funny too.

Satirical essay:

[quote]Drive Drunk Responsibly
Kevin Haag
Eng.12/B

If there is a common fact about most culture-groups and people of all ethnicities it is this: people enjoy consuming alcohol. And if there is one thing that goes hand-in-hand with alcohol consumption, it is the fact that people need to get home after a night of partying or socializing. Driving is the most logical solution to this age-old problem. The fact of the matter is that, contrary to popular belief, there is nothing wrong with drinking and driving.

There are many groups out there that are openly against driving while intoxicated and have created several campaigns to try to stop it. The government, MADD (Mothers Against Drinking and Driving), and SADD (Students Against Drinking and Driving) are three of these groups that come to mind. These groups are all fatally flawed in their arguments. Each one only focuses on the negatives and fails to consider the many positive aspects and benefits of driving under the influence.

The obvious benefit of driving yourself home is that fact exactly. You can rest easy knowing that you have the ability to take care of yourself, and your car is safely parked in your garage. Why put the responsibility of getting home in the hands of another? It wouldn’t be fair to ask someone to go out of his or her way to drive you home. You could take a taxi, but that would be expensive and a waste of money; your night of partying has already cost enough as it is. If you choose to walk, you run the risk of getting jumped. On top of all that, your vehicle would have to be left overnight out of your supervision. The risk of vandalism or theft is just not worth the bother.

Drunk drivers also benefit the driving community as a whole. When there is a drunk driver on the road, it forces all the other drivers to stay alert and on their toes. Think about it. If a drunk driver is swerving across lanes and driving erratically, other drivers will try to keep their distance and drive more cautiously. If an accident were to occur, why is it automatically assumed to be the fault of the drunk driver? Could it not very well be that the other motorist was not paying close enough attention to his or her surroundings? Why is the drunk driver handcuffed and stuffed in the back of the police cruiser for failing to walk a straight line or blowing into a machine? These tests are critically flawed and thus unreliable in their approach. What does the lack of the ability to walk straight have to do with the ability to drive a vehicle? Clearly there is no connection between the two.

The argument could be made that being intoxicated while driving in fact makes no change to a persons driving ability at all. Surly you have heard all that scientific mumbo-jumbo about alcohol slowing one’s reaction time. If alcohol slows reaction time, it also slows action time. From this it can be said that alcohol does not slow a driver’s reaction to driving any more than it slows his action of driving. Needless to say, if his action of driving is slower, it will cause him to drive at a reduced speed, and he will therefore have more time to react anyways. This fact consequently negates the argument against driving drunk completely.

As a final blow to the opposition, a question must be asked. How many of you have been out to dinner or at a party and had a beer or two or a glass of wine and then driven home afterwards? According to the definition, this is considered “drinking and drivingâ€

[vskid]

khaag, you are a very funny writer. You should have a blog or something to post your creations for all the interwebs to see, it would easily pwn all others.

[Kurt_]

I read the first one. I found several grammatical errors. But I won't tell you where.

[timmeh87]

Cause: Canada dumping crap in our lakes
Effect: Bombing an already barren wasteland

dude, I cant believe you went there. YOUR lakes? CANADA polluting? Im not saying we dont (hamilton and sarnia are big offenders), but have you ever heard of detroit? chicago? Heck, lake Michigan doesnt even have a Canadian city on its shores. (Not even getting into all the air pollution that blows around)

Anyways, Im not trying to start a discussion or argument here. Its just the facts. Everyone is responsible, blame shifting is ignorant and counterproductive.

heres a map for everyone. These are the 43 greatest polluters of the great lakes as identified by a joint Canada-US commission.

http://www.ccb.ucar.edu/caspian/img/great.gif

(PS. bombing? I cant believe you went there either)

</offtopic>

Khaag, I like your writing style. Reminds me of the crap I used to pull in english class. Those were the days. But about the drinking and driving thing... some people might take that the wrong way. (you were kidding the whole time, right?). Certainly, if my parents ever found that essay in MY portfolio, Id never get the keys again.

[Edutainment]

[quote="Kyo"]and this, my children, is why you should always do your homework. OR ELSE.

[quote]and are now considered full of “the failâ€

[Bibin]

Essays written in the nick of time are often the best, as they are not formulated based on pleasing the teacherbot, but instead based on your own integrity and creativity because you don't have time for much else.

[khaag]

Thanks for all the nice comments guys!

@timmeh87 - haha yes I am kidding. I in no way think drinking and driving is a good idea. It was supposed to be a satirical essay.

@vskid - I actually thought about doing that. I don't know what the benefit for me would be... but it might be a neat idea. The only problem is the work involved.

@Kurt_ - Where are the grammar errors!? Heh, I'm surprised Benol hasn't already pointed them out

Anyway... about that blog thing... What do you think I could do with it? It be interesting to hear some of the ideas of what you guys would be interested in reading. Hey, maybe some type of profit is to be made as well!

[Life of Brian]

khaag, your stuff is great! I'd read your website!

[johnbjuice]

So what grades did you get? Did your last-minute essays do well?

- Juice

[Kurt_]

Well, for grammar errors, there's nothing major.

Surly you have heard all that scientific mumbo-jumbo about alcohol slowing one’s reaction time.

So go out, have fun, and don’t worry if you have had a few to many before getting behind the wheel.

I think there was one more, it might have been the wrong use of "to" also.

Haven't read the other one yet.

[theelk]

In my acting class last year, we were split into groups of two. Each group had to write and direct a small, one act play for another group. The group that wrote for me and my friend wrote a pretty solid play, but my friend and I couldn't think of anything to write for them. We ended up writing a play about two people who couldn't think of a scene to write for their acting class. It was a hit with the teacher. This just reminded me of it.

[khaag]

@Kurt_, that wasn't a misused "to" it was just a missed keystroke. Don't worry, I know the difference between to/too/two

@JohnBjuice - They haven't been marked yet. My teacher is going to have a hell of a lot of marking to do over the Christmas holidays... 55 portfolios from 2 classes at an hour a piece. That's what she said anyways...

[CronoTriggerfan]

Cause: Canada dumping crap in our lakes
Effect: Bombing an already barren wasteland

dude, I cant believe you went there. YOUR lakes? CANADA polluting? Im not saying we dont (hamilton and sarnia are big offenders), but have you ever heard of detroit? chicago? Heck, lake Michigan doesnt even have a Canadian city on its shores.

Touchy, are we? It's a joke, jeez. Get over it!

CTFan