Anybody have any ideas on how the most antisocial person...

benol · Post by **benol** » Fri Apr 20, 2007 10:00 pm

cowsgoquack101 wrote: 1. Stop being so lame

And how am I supposed to do that???

khaag · Post by **khaag** » Fri Apr 20, 2007 11:37 pm

Honestly, is it SO hard to make friends? I think the problem is when people spend too much time gaming it, or on the computer. You can't socialize with AI, and you for sure can't make friends with it. It's just that. Artificial. Just make small talk, and try practicing. Believe it or not, getting a job is a great way to meet new people and practice your social skills. I have gotten greatly more confident with my people skills (not that they were bad) at my job. Just practice. You'll get it... And for that speech impediment, girls probably think its cute or something. BTW, what kind of speech impediment do you have? A stutter?

johnbjuice · Post by **johnbjuice** » Sat Apr 21, 2007 12:05 am

Seriously, I think I see your problem.

You want friends right? Friends to hang out with, play games and crap with. Friends who will care about you if you're gone, send you get well cards when you are sick, and friends who will bring you food on your birthday at school. Right?

Of course. But when was the last time you baked the cookies on someone's birthday? Or wrote the get-well card. Everyone's guilty of it.

To get friends, you have to WORK AT IT. Nobody will love you unless you love them first. Just don't look needy. Be yourself, and be nice. That's key. Try this, then get back to me with the problems. Keep in touch.

- Juice, Social Counselor

atari2600a · Post by **atari2600a** » Sat Apr 21, 2007 3:05 am

khaag wrote:.. And for that speech impediment, girls probably think its cute or something. BTW, what kind of speech impediment do you have? A stutter?

Yeah, a stutter. I'm the only one in my family who hasn't overcome it.

Girls don't think it's cute. They think I'm retarded because of it. Seriously, there's this one girl in my PE class, she insists on recapping everything to me that the teacher said under 3 seconds ago! (seriously that short of a time span) It works out though, because I never pay attention to my PE teacher most of the time.

Oh, & Benol, sorry for the thread intrusion. Just couldn't help it though, w/ it being extremely similar to my problem & all...

Unidentified Assilant · Sat Apr 21, 2007 3:45 am

I'm sorry but it's really not that hard to make friends. Just sey "hey" to people and they'll usually either say something back or talk to you, actually today I have a mate coming round and how I made friends with him was (he isnt in my school), he was just with one of my mates from school and we were talking for a bit when he mentioned a band that he liked (and I liked also) and we just started talking for a bit. Now he is usually round here every week haha.

Just be yourself, I wouldn't act uber-geeky either at school (you can here

) because that will just probably lead to you feeling left out and bullying.

dj-spuddy · Post by **dj-spuddy** » Sat Apr 21, 2007 5:42 am

Just be you're self. I get friends because we share similar intrests such as music and gaming. If you're finding it hard be very general and likeable for example you may like death metal music and a person who you are trying to befriend might not so be vauge like "Yeah I listen to rock music mostly". Try finding out what they like and take an intrest.

dman762000 · Post by **dman762000** » Sat Apr 21, 2007 9:41 am

ok here is advice from someone who used to be extremely antisocial and depressed
1. get an attitude problem
2. display said attitude problem
3. start being around people with same kind of attitude problem
4. suddenly you have friends

believe it or not noone has any REAL friends in high school, high school is just too superficial and crap like that, forget having friends now, focus on your studies, and wait for real friends to appear, the best friends are the people who choose to be around you and not the other way around.

benol · Post by **benol** » Sat Apr 21, 2007 10:31 am

dman762000 wrote:ok here is advice from someone who used to be extremely antisocial and depressed
1. get an attitude problem
2. display said attitude problem
3. start being around people with same kind of attitude problem
4. suddenly you have friends

believe it or not noone has any REAL friends in high school, high school is just too superficial and crap like that, forget having friends now, focus on your studies, and wait for real friends to appear, the best friends are the people who choose to be around you and not the other way around.

I really hate those ignorant losers with behavioral problems. The only reason they are in high school is because their parents whined to the school system.

benol · Post by **benol** » Sat Apr 21, 2007 10:34 am

Seriously though, I only have one friend. We've been friends since 4th grade, and now he goes to a different school due to a district split.

project_failure · Post by **project_failure** » Sat Apr 21, 2007 10:56 am

believe it or not noone has any REAL friends in high school, high school is just too superficial and crap like that

I disagree (spelling?). What about the friends you made before high school that you still hang out with?

@ benol A lot of your problem seems to be worrying about people not liking you. Forget people who don't like you and move on and find the next person.

teraflop122 · Post by **teraflop122** » Sat Apr 21, 2007 4:36 pm

believe it or not noone has any REAL friends in high school

You must be kidding. I had real friends in high school. My real friends had real friends. Every one of my classmates had some real friends in high school. All these friends were made during high school. Seriously, this is the kind of thing a middle schooler would say after watching a cartoon involving high school- or someone who never had any real friends himself.

All of you, it isn't as simple as "being yourself" or "just saying whassup every once in a while." Middle school left me so screwed in the head that saying "Hi," was literally terrifying. I was distanced from everyone, and I soon came to universally hate everyone. Then came the superiority complex. The fact that I made one aquiantence or two was sheerly miraculous. That was me, being myself meant behaving according to those thoughts and feelings- according to the anger and bitter hatred- and seeing the student interventions counselor regularly for weeks. It took years with a shrink to make me a normal person, after which I could start making some more friends. All of you who say getting friends is easy assume to much. Getting friends is easy for those with friends already. Getting friends is easy for those already socially adept. Joining an artsy club to meet girls is easy for those who can socially afford it.

That being said, Benol, there is only so much we can say- only so much we can suggest. There is no miracle method for instant friends. There is no list of 4 steps that will yeild lasting friendships. If you find yourself incapable of finding friends, consider seeking aid from a counselor, psychologist, or other professional, for the sake of self improvement (mentally speaking). If "being yourself" makes you unhappy- or exlcudes capacity for sociallizing- you may need to sculpt a new "you."

I have said all I can on the subject...

johnbjuice · Post by **johnbjuice** » Sat Apr 21, 2007 5:18 pm

Everythng teraflop said above is exactly what I meant. Making friends isn't easy. You need to figure out that the best friend you'll ever have is whomever looks loneliest. Be nice to them, and sure enough, you'll have a true friend in no time. Don't try to befriend the cool kids or the uber-geeks who are full of themselves. Any friend should never care less about their friendship than their friend does. True friendship develops when both parties care fully. One side (YOU!) needs to start the kindness first with someone who will return it. That's how all relationships work.

- Juice, Sappy Friendship Counselor

G-force · Post by **G-force** » Sat Apr 21, 2007 10:45 pm

I had problems with this. Being the homeschooler that I am, I had trouble finding friends during high school. It was always awkward talking to people. To get friends, I think you need to be self dependent first, that is, not depend on others to keep your ego up and be content. Thats not to say you don't need friends, but you shouldn't depend on them to keep you happy.

-Purposefully put yourself in places and situations that will force you to feel awkward around people. Things like book clubs, random youth groups, and whatever you find. If you are a little rough talking to people, then fine. Wade through it. You'll eventually get desensitized to any social awkwardness and start getting comfortable around perfect strangers, developing great people skills, and maybe even pick up some friends along the way.

-Just hang around people even if you don't really know how to talk to them. Their language and talk will rub off on you, and you'll start to find you can talk to them pretty easily. If you do this, it's good to pick a good group to do this with.

-Keep in mind if people seem uber cool, too cool to even talk to, they are most likely putting up a front. They get will just as bored and lonely as you at some time in their life. Life has it's ups and downs, you just have to try and keep your head up, and realize that others have the same problems, and need a friend as much as you do. We're all just humans. Nothing makes one of us better than the other. So if you see someone, just say a friendly "hello" or "hows it going". can't hurt.

-When talking to someone, don't talk just for the sake of talking. Sometimes it's better to have empty silence than just to fill the air with garbage. Just kinda let your mind loosely wander and think of something that you both might have in common, and bring that up.

-Get a job! This will help a lot! It might take a while for people to start talking to you, but it's great when people finally warm up to you. Plus you make some ca$h! win/win! The real world knowledge you will get from a job is invaluable.

-People have already mentioned this. "To get a friend, you first have to be a friend." a girl told me once. Just look for any chances to help people out. It might take time out of your week, but its time well spent. Example: A guy at work had his dog chew his 360 controller up. I superglued PS2 analog sticks on it to replace the chewed ones, and gave it a nice paint job. Those are my skills, what are yours? What could you do to use them to help others? Keep that kind of mindset and you're good.

-Don't target anyone to be friends with. You'll most likely go after the people easiest to talk to, and thats not a problem, but I've noticed its usually the who end up being the deeper, more true friends. The others tend to make and break friends like eggs at breakfast. So just be friendly towards everyone and just let things go the way they go. You'll soon find who would be a true good friend, and who'd be most likely to just use you for entertainment and drop ya.

I dunno. I don't know hardly anything to be honest. But I know enough to get hired at the local game store for my people skills, so I must know somethin'!

(sorry for the rambling.)

Post by **Sparkfist** » Sun Apr 22, 2007 12:29 am

I talked with a woman that had a solution that isn't very comfortable but is a way to become social. Just go into a situation where you have to talk with people. Like go to a social place or gathering and don't go with friends. I can understand how unnerving that is, I'm still quite anti-social.

The only way to build those social skills are to get out in society and start communicating. I kind of had help because of college, but you just need to get out there and talk to people you don't know. Build that skill in finding a common interest with a stranger, once you get that going talking with people in general will be a simpler act.

dman762000 · Post by **dman762000** » Sun Apr 22, 2007 10:10 am

@benol and teraflop: i think you guys took me all wrong, I didn't say behavioral problem, I said attitude problem, theres a difference

the attitude problem I was reffering to is making sure that you are yourself no matter what and not following the crowd just to fit in and have friends, I spent the entirity of my high school career doing just that and it took me many years of expensive therapy to fix it and a lot of perscription meds. That kind of "gotta fit in no matter what " attitude causes an identity crises later in life that can really screw you up when you realize that you don't remember who you are anymore. The thing about no-one having any real friends in H.S. is in reference to this also, Too many people these days spend too much time trying to "fit in" the friends you make in HS doing that are not real friends, absolutly positively be yourself the people that choose to be around you when you are being yourself are the people that you truly remember as friends. In example: I have 2 guys that chose to be my friends in HS, they are still my best friends today 12 years later, and I consider them to be my brothers, they are like family to me, I got these 2 as friends because i had an "attitude problem" the problem was that I didn't do what everyone else was doing just to have friends so all the sheep in HS said I had an "attitude problem".
sorry bout the long post but i felt I had to 'splain myself.