Help me with a net neutrality letter!

[SpongeBuell]

Hey all,

I'm writing up a letter to send to some of the congresspeople of the area, and was wondering if you guys could help me proof it a bit. If any of you would like, feel free to use it yourself (just say that you did, and make sure nobody else has sent it to the same person)

[quote="I"]Dear Senator Coleman,

My name is SpongeBuell. name changed in the real thing, of course I am XX years old, and am developing a small interest in politics. I also use computers often, so this particular issue I am going to bring up is especially important to me.

Right now, there is an issue that is becoming more and more known to the public. This issue is network neutrality. According to Wikipedia, network neutrality is "the ideal that network designs and operators should not discriminate between network applications." In other words, the companies that deliver internet connections, such as Qwest, AT&T, and Verizon, simply deliver the connection, and do nothing to affect the ability to connect to other sites.

One way to describe this is by using this metaphor: Imagine that all roads were privately owned and operated, rather than being run by the government. Now, imagine if one car company, such as Ford, paid this road company extra money. This bribe would allow Ford drivers to drive on the expressway. Other companies can do the same thing, but drivers of cars made by companies that do not pay this extra money are stuck driving on a dirt road right next to the expressway.

Thankfully, this is only a metaphor, but it is not very different from what the communication companies are hoping to do. These companies are trying to have a “two-tieredâ€

[NES_fanatic]

Wikipedia may not stand strong as a source. You miy want to find another source, even if all you're doing is defining a term.

[Sir Games-A-Lot]

I think it's, good I like the "dirt road" analogy allot .

My one suggestion would be to put space between the three links so they are easier to read and type in.


like this:

If you would like to learn more about network neutrality, please check out these links:


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Network_ne ... _opponents

http://www.snopes.com/politics/business/neutrality.asp

http://www.savetheinternet.com/

Good luck

[NES_fanatic]

Oh, and variations of the word 'thing' sound unprofessional.
Trust me, I took a resume-writing class.

it never hurts to play it safe with things like this.

Could Read:

it never hurts to play it safe in such scenerios.

[Sword_Gun]

is your senetor... GARY COLEMAN?!

Night rider

[Extreme_Jesus]

looks like a good solid letter, not really much i can add

but i do agree with the needing of a different source than wikipedia, unless your senator is internet savvay he may dismiis it as a xource, try and find some newspaper articles to quote, they would probably hold more ground with him.

fight the power

[Skyone]

Also:

If you would like to learn more about network neutrality, please check out these links:

Change that to:

If you would like to learn more about network neutrality, please overview these pages:

[Kurt_]

Get rid of wikipedia altogether. Old people don't like it. They feel it's made by no-good hooligans adding misleading shinanigans all over the place.

I dunno, although it seems good to everyone here, none of us have a major in English (and most of us haven't even PASSED grade 12 english). I'd let somebody with credentials read it. Like your English teacher or prof.

[Sparkfist]

Get rid of wikipedia altogether. Old people don't like it. They feel it's made by no-good hooligans adding misleading shinanigans all over the place.

I dunno, although it seems good to everyone here, none of us have a major in English (and most of us haven't even PASSED grade 12 english). I'd let somebody with credentials read it. Like your English teacher or prof.

Hey I'm past high school so I know that it's actually very good, if I were to turn that into a Comp. I teacher I would get likely a B or B-.

As for Wikipedia, I hate to say this but it isn't that great of a source. As all that is needed to change content is to sign up for an account it's not credible in a college paper or any accreditied publication. I would say go to the links they have the the bottom of the artical and add thoses as sources.

Good luck.

[sam fisher]

Need I remind you that people with degrees in specific field do often proof read the Wikipedia articles.

[Kurt_]

Still, it's NOT a good source for a formal letter. I know my religion teacher HATES wikipedia. If we use it she murders us.

Funny Story.

One time she couldn't find some word thing about Mary Magdalene, and she searched everywhere on the internet and couldn't find it, and she found one site that she thought was great, read the definition to us, and then saw that it was a wiki site. She then told us to erase the definition (which nobody did) and searched for another one (which she never found)

Proving my point that...uh...

[Sparkfist]

Need I remind you that people with degrees in specific field do often proof read the Wikipedia articles.

Yeah I just just finished a paper and the instructor well talking to us about bad sources said that wikipedia is kind of iffy. Again anyone can change the information on the page. As the data can't be varified to be credible it's not really a good source. I use wikipedia all the time but because of the fact on a college paper it's not credible I wont use it there.

[sam fisher]

I suppose it depends from article to article.

[SpongeBuell]

Ok, how about this? I really think that wikipedia has the best description of what net neutrality is, and don't think that it will become the make-or-break issue. If he does call or email me, I can always do what I can to reassure of the quality control standards they have.

[quote]Dear Senator Coleman,

My name is SpongeBuell. I am XX years old, and am developing a small interest in politics. I also use computers often, so this particular issue I am going to bring up with you is especially important to me.

Right now, there is an issue that is becoming more and more well-known to the public, though still not as much of a hot-button issue as others. This issue is network neutrality. Network neutrality is the idea that communication companies give no advantages or disadvantages to any websites, and simply deliver an "untouched" connection to the Internet.

One way to describe this is by using this metaphor: Imagine that all roads were privately owned and operated, rather than being run by the government. Now, imagine if one car company, such as Ford, paid this road company extra money. This bribe would allow Ford drivers to drive on the expressway. Other companies can do the same thing, but drivers of cars made by companies that do not pay this extra money are stuck driving on a dirt road right next to the expressway.

Thankfully, this is only a metaphor, but it is not very different from what the communication companies are hoping to do. These companies are trying to have a “two-tieredâ€

[anubis]

upfront: to help you out I am a social studies/language arts teacher (or, technically, will be in September). Here is what I notice:

1. your first paragraph should quickly say who you are (which you do), but it also needs to specifically address the topic. so instead of

this particular issue I am going to bring up with you is especially important to me.

give your issue a name (you actually do this in the second paragraph, but remember some secretary will probably scan this to see if it needs to go on to your senator and they need to know what it is about)

2. instead of

am developing a small interest in politics

try "am increasingly becoming interested in politics"

3. instead of your "capitalism at work" paragraph I would suggest encorporating how network neutrality is important to the "average" american and the internet. this really is your last body paragraph, so you should focus on the positive side of your suggestion.

otherwise, the metaphor and examples are great (doubt he would get it without them); don't feel awkward about using wikipedia, it is becoming more and more reputable; acknowledging the opposing view point and why they oppose it supports your position; and strong respectful closing statement.

I hope your planning on sending this to both your senators and your representative. good luck.