funny sayings/jokes you guys have.

[ValiantVenality]

I would love to here some funny sayings you guys have! Nothing is better than telling a new joke or saying to your peers! It makes you have a sense of entitlement!
I'm still trying to figure out how to explain colors to a blind person.

VV

[palmertech]

Why is Santa's sack so big?

..............

Because he only comes once a year!

I always use that one at Christmas. All of my other jokes are standard issue, I might post more depending on how the thread goes.

[thewise1]

I have more of a story.
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Alright, there are these girls om high school, in the morning they all spend their time in the bathroom putting on makeup. When they put on lipstick they kiss the mirror for whatever reason.

One day the principal calls all of the girls into the bathroom. The janitor is standing next to her.
She says, "Girls, look how hard it is for the janitor to clean these mirrors when you get lipstick all over them!"

The janitor then dips his squeegee in the toilet and wipes down the mirror.
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[themadhacker]

I've heard that one before. Very funny.

[lifeisbetterwithketchup]

Music joke:

<Snausages> So, an E-flat, a G-flat, and a B-flat walk into a bar.
<Snausages> And the bartender says,
<Snausages> "I'm sorry, we don't serve minors."
<Myke> That struck a chord.
<Snausages> Careful with those puns, you'll get in treble.
<Myke> But they're key to my humour.
<Myke> And very noteworthy.

You may now cringe.

[eurddrue]

palmer that one is pretty good.

[jjhammerstein]

My favorites:
Q: What's brown and sticky?
A: A stick.

Q: What's brown and rhymes with" Snoop"?
A: Dr. Dre

Q: Why do girls love Jesus?
A: BECAUSE HE'S HUNG LIKE THIS (arms at full extension)

[robm]

There were these two trees, a birch and a beech, in a forest.

One day, a sapling grew between them. One tree says to the other, "What do you think? Is that a son of a birch or a son of a beech?"

They ponder, but cannot decide.

Soon, a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The beech tree says, "Hey. Do you think that's a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

The woodpecker says, "I don't know. Let me check it out."

The woodpecker then starts pecking at the sapling, and quits soon after.

The beech tree says, "Well? Which is it?"

Woodpecker: "I don't know, but it's the best piece of ash I've ever stuck my pecker into."

[jjhammerstein]

If he doesn't know what it is, why did he say it was an Ash?

[eurddrue]

best ass hes ever stuck his pecker into

[jjhammerstein]

I understand the pun, but when it's not true to the "real statement" it ruins the joke for me. The pecker wouldn't say "I DON'T KNOW, IT'S AN ASH."

[Bibin]

Instead of saying "What the hell/heck/etc.", I've started saying "WHAT IN THE WILD WILD WORLD OF SPORTS IS GOING ON HERE?" in a very strong new yorker accent. More like "What in deh woild woild woyeld of spoahts is going on hyeah?"

[Triton]

a few of the long runing jokes/stupid things that my friends and myself say

"YA LIKE GIRLS?" said in a gravely abrasive voice. either as a nonsense question or tricking someone into thinking you have a serious question then asking that

"Thats what she said" is pretty obvious. we usually use it like most people would (sexual inuendo usually) but we like to say it when it makes the absolute least amount of sense too

during the trip to MGC last year the themes were 4chan-isms (OVER 9000! among others) and the song "frontier psychiatrist" by the avalanches

its also pretty common with me and my friends for us to say random nonsense or randomly start talking in weird/made up accents and stuff like that, which is hilarious to us but probably weird and confusing to normal people

will post more if i think of them

[Kurt_]

Us engineers have a saying. It's actually more of a chant that large groups of engineers shout when in large groups.

"The harder you push, the better it fits!"

Not so funny, but it's great.

[schmellyfart]

Ive recently started calling everyone a noob.

What did one elevator say to the other elevator?
-I think im coming down with something.

What did one panther say to the other panther?
-My panther falling down

A blonde goes into the doctors office with two burnt ears.
The doctor asks, "what happened?"
The blonde says, "You see, the phone rang and I accidentally picked up the iron.."
The doctor says, "okaaay, what about the other ear?"
The blonde replied, "They called back"

OH! and Ill pretend to hit my head on doors, poles, and signs at school. It only works if it makes a nice metal/ringing sound when you hear it. The look on everyones faces is priceless. "OMG that kid just hit his head. yoo see that?" lol